The ALTERVERSE Forums
Welcome to the ALTERVERSE Forums. Feel free to log in, in order to contribute and explore.

The ALTERVERSE Forums

ALTERVERSE is a literary universe and multiverse made up of the story arcs of multiple planned and in-progress litterature and culminative world-building projects. Here, you can contribute to the multiverse and explore what it presently entails.
 
HomePortalCalendarGalleryAlterverse WikiFAQSearchMemberlistUsergroupsRegisterLog in

Share | 
 

 Chapter 23

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
Go to page : 1, 2  Next
AuthorMessage
SPACE_LEMON
Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
avatar

Posts : 1538
Join date : 2010-12-23
Age : 22
Location : My own little pocket universe :3

Character Sheet
Character Status: N/a
Full Name:
Starting Universe:

PostSubject: Chapter 23   Mon Jul 04, 2011 10:11 am

Chapter 23
Central Territory

_ Priantos was awoken by whispers.
_ It was early morning – still night, even. He lay on a bed of moss, hidden in the undergrowth. The whispers were coming from the road. There were at least three individuals speaking to one another in urgent but hushed whispering. Priantos looked around the camp. The Altari were sleeping quitely, out of site from the road. Their bags were also hidden in the foliage. Priantos looked further. Where was Tiard?
_ Still lying down, he quietly turned to the road and peered through the foliage. In the moon light and the light of the forest, he could see four Xen’vi men standing around a stationary wooden carriage, with two Altari tied to the front. Three were conversing, whispering to one another about a subject that seemed of great importance, while the other was leaning silently against the carriage, merely observing the rest. Priantos tried to make out what they were saying, but soon realised that they were speaking in East Omas, a language he could not interpret.
_ Priantos then felt a hand on his right shoulder and nearly jumped.
_ “It’s me,” Tiard said in a barely audible whisper. “There’s a fifth one fetching water down by the stream.”
_ “Hunters?”
_ “I can’t tell. Perhaps.”
_ One of the Altari at the front of the carriage grunted impatiently. Then, unthinkably, Tiard’s Altari did the same in response. The men turned in their direction at the sound. One took a step toward where they were hidden.
_ Tiard and Priantos lay as still as they could, but there would be nothing to hide them if the men came too close. If they really were Hunters, the two would have to ready themselves to fight.
_ The fifth man then came from the foliage, carrying two large jugs of what was probably water. The other men then turned to him. They then said something to one another in East Omas before stepping back into the carriage and moving on.
_ Tiard sighed in relief. “That was close.”
_ “They’re going south, towards Valdin.” They were now speaking normally.
_ “That road can lead to anywhere in the south of Valiero territory, Priantos.”
_ “Including the border to the Iga’vi’s.”
_ “Maybe that’s where they’re going. Perhaps they’re just traders?”
_ “Perhaps.”

_ They were off again soon after. As they went, the transformation of the environment became more and more apparent. The jungle became less and less dense the further north and up the slope they travelled and the space between found itself more and more filled with long silvery white grass, their budded tips twinkling slightly in the light of the rising suns. The reason for this change in foliage soon became apparent. It hadn’t rained on their journey for the past day and a half, and the sky was becoming less and less clouded. The road itself began showing signs of a dryer environment. Instead of being moist and leaf-covered, the road was now dry and dusty.
_ They soon find themselves at the base of a steep hill.
_ “Shall we rest?” Tiard asked.
_ “We rested less than half an hour ago, Tiard.”
_ “Are you aware of the size of that hill?”
_ “Our Altari can make it.”
_ “I’m not sure I can! The dry air and direct sunlight is murder and I really can’t the dust of this road, Priantos.”
_ “Then take the front so my dust won’t bother you.”
_ “That doesn’t solve the dry heat problem.”
_ “Just go.”
_ Tiard sighed in dismay and began the steep climb, with Priantos right behind him. The Altari moved much slower on the loose, dry ground, not aided by the steepness of the hill. When they reached the top, the two animals lay down immediately, almost collapsing on the grass.
_ The view from the hill was spectacular. Down the other side of the hill was a vast plain of silvery white, along with scattered clumps of green. On either side of the view, on the distant eastern and western horizons, were mountains, or at least the starts of them. The east lay the Central Valiero Mountains – the peak of the Central Valiero Highlands – while to the west lay the foothills of the Great Cyro Mountains, one of the two great mountain ranges in the world. The road winded road the hill and followed the tree-banked river all through the valley. At some point along that river was Vish.
_ “I swear, I have never seen so much grass in my life,” Tiard said in awe.
_ “Welcome to the Shiro Valley.”
_ In the distance large herds of wild Altari were zipping through grass. There were many other creatures as well, such as the long legged Xavan, wild Priska, packs of the predatory Leor’tan, as well as Reis’toph and the pesky Gitt’ll. Due to the lack of dense jungle, wild life was much easier to see.
_ “I can see Leor’tan,” Tiard said, hinting at some fear in his voice. “I’m not so sure I’m willing to follow a road that trespasses upon their territory.”
_ “Don’t worry,” Priantos said. “There were far worse predators in the jungle, yet none attacked us. Besides, Leor’tan hunt Xavan, Reis’toph and Altari.”
_ “Have you noticed what we’re riding, Priantos!?”
_ “I meant to say, they follow large herds of prey. Two lone riders aren’t very noticeable to them. Furthermore, it’s common practice on major routes to strew Sprig leaves just off roads, near the edges. The scent drives off any dangerous animals. Unless, of course, they fly.”
_ “Drish’tock and Gitt’ll fly.”
_ “Valiero Drish’tock only hunt small prey or scavenge their food. As for Gitt’ll, swot them.”
_ “I’ve heard stories about Drish’tock killing and carrying away small children.”
_ Priantos shrugged. “I see why you’d be worried.”

_ They were soon off again, following the road down the hill.

[Stuff]

_ As midday past, the road eventually led them to their destination. As they approached, the could hear the sound of a waterfall. Crossing the river over a large stone bridge, Priantos and Tiard stopped to take in the view that greeted them. The river abruptly ended a few metres away, cascading down a steep cliff face. At the bottom of the cliff was a valley, with a small forest at its base. Large flying creatures occupied the air of the valley. Seilen.






Okay, here's the deal. I have most of the chapter done, save for the middle and the end. The end isn't important.

As for the middle (where I wrote [Stuff]), I need help thinking of scenes as they spend the next few hours crossing the savannah via the road (which follows the river at the bottom of the hill to the town).

It would help if you read the previous few chapters fist.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://alterverse.4umer.net
Balufire
Dimensional Resident
Dimensional Resident


Posts : 205
Join date : 2010-12-25
Age : 22
Location : Feel free to contact me via Email, PM, or IM, I am always on my computer.

Character Sheet
Character Status: N/a
Full Name:
Starting Universe:

PostSubject: Re: Chapter 23   Tue Jul 05, 2011 1:42 pm

Well it is a savannah, you can mention various Pack animals. We don't necesarily need to include them in anything, just filler.

Bandits are also fun...

Dats all I got
Back to top Go down
View user profile
SPACE_LEMON
Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
avatar

Posts : 1538
Join date : 2010-12-23
Age : 22
Location : My own little pocket universe :3

Character Sheet
Character Status: N/a
Full Name:
Starting Universe:

PostSubject: Re: Chapter 23   Wed Jul 06, 2011 2:06 am

If you'd like to help more, I could explain the animals mentioned there. Should I?
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://alterverse.4umer.net
Balufire
Dimensional Resident
Dimensional Resident


Posts : 205
Join date : 2010-12-25
Age : 22
Location : Feel free to contact me via Email, PM, or IM, I am always on my computer.

Character Sheet
Character Status: N/a
Full Name:
Starting Universe:

PostSubject: Re: Chapter 23   Wed Jul 06, 2011 10:23 am

Yeah, just don't go to into it and make it boring you know...

Or maybe have one or two of the animals do something, like try and steal food, or block the road.

There is also the bridge, it just sounds to simple that they can cross a grassland and a river without difficulty. You could add like details to the bridge, or beggars, or sick Xen'vi. Innumerable things could happen on a bridge and on a long road.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
SPACE_LEMON
Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
avatar

Posts : 1538
Join date : 2010-12-23
Age : 22
Location : My own little pocket universe :3

Character Sheet
Character Status: N/a
Full Name:
Starting Universe:

PostSubject: Re: Chapter 23   Wed Jul 06, 2011 11:29 am

Yeah...



No, I mean explain the animals to you guys here (using pics of them and explaining their behaviors) so you can help think of wildlife scenes.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://alterverse.4umer.net
Balufire
Dimensional Resident
Dimensional Resident


Posts : 205
Join date : 2010-12-25
Age : 22
Location : Feel free to contact me via Email, PM, or IM, I am always on my computer.

Character Sheet
Character Status: N/a
Full Name:
Starting Universe:

PostSubject: Re: Chapter 23   Wed Jul 06, 2011 4:16 pm

Oh... I don't really care. But the others might... Animals aren't really one of my interests. I bet Xeno would.

I prefer plants, rocks/minerals, and bones.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
SPACE_LEMON
Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
avatar

Posts : 1538
Join date : 2010-12-23
Age : 22
Location : My own little pocket universe :3

Character Sheet
Character Status: N/a
Full Name:
Starting Universe:

PostSubject: Re: Chapter 23   Thu Jul 07, 2011 12:04 am

Lol, okay. Smile

I'll wait for Xeno to post, then... Too lazy to do it now...
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://alterverse.4umer.net
Xeno
Taco Gazelle
avatar

Posts : 1182
Join date : 2010-12-24
Age : 20
Location : Canada

Character Sheet
Character Status: N/a
Full Name:
Starting Universe:

PostSubject: Re: Chapter 23   Thu Jul 07, 2011 12:54 pm

I shall read stuff and comment and all that later. I'm making pizza now.

“I’m not sure I can! The dry air and direct sunlight is murder and I really can’t the dust of this road, Priantos.” Wut?

Oh, and yes, gimme teh descriptions! I MUST KNOW ALL!

And now my text is stuck in italics... Yay.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
SPACE_LEMON
Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
avatar

Posts : 1538
Join date : 2010-12-23
Age : 22
Location : My own little pocket universe :3

Character Sheet
Character Status: N/a
Full Name:
Starting Universe:

PostSubject: Re: Chapter 23   Thu Jul 07, 2011 11:48 pm

Oh. I forgot to add "take" between "the" and "dust". Perhaps I should just delete that sentance entirely.

I'm also going to alter my description of the savannah.




Altari
Horse things that behave much like wild horses do. They're also about the same size, but can go considerably faster over fairly longer distances (due to a lower gravity, for one).



Xavan
Things that act simmilarly to giraffes. Ignore the size in the below image, because they're also fairly big, about as tall as giraffes when their necks are slumped down like in the picture. They are able to stand on their hindlimbs and reach upwards with their forlimbs to suck the fluids lining the bottom of the muchroom-like trees scattered in the plain. Otherwise they just eat moss and stuff.

Priska
Smaller than shown in the image, about half the size of cats. They basically fly around, emitting a distinctive humming noise, looking for an opportunity to scavenge.

Leor'tan
The top predators of the plain. The hunt in wolf-like packs and live together in lion-like prides. They're fairly fast, but mainly rely on ambush as apposed to speed, as prey such as Altari can outrun them. Their forlimbs have the capability to eject excrement as fast moving toxic projective that can stun prey up to fifteen or so metres away.

Reis'toph
They live in herds and act like cows: eating near continuously and producing a fair amount of digestive gasses as a result, which are released through special openings on their backs, connecting directly to their gustory organs. They let off quite the stench, as a result, which acts as a defence mechanism against predators.

Gitt'll
Imagine giant mosquitos. They fly around and suck blood opportunistically. They are very rearely lethal and are mainly just a terrible anoyance.

Drish'tock
Rare, yet very dangerous and known to kill small children and mortally wound adult Xen'vi. This far south, they normally only attack small prey, stabbing them with their bone-hard spike of a mouth part and carrying them away to suck out their fluids in a safer place. That, or they stab into fresh corpses or slow-moving prey of any size and suck out the fluids that way.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://alterverse.4umer.net
Xeno
Taco Gazelle
avatar

Posts : 1182
Join date : 2010-12-24
Age : 20
Location : Canada

Character Sheet
Character Status: N/a
Full Name:
Starting Universe:

PostSubject: Re: Chapter 23   Fri Jul 08, 2011 7:42 am

Add lotsa description in the book. You may want to edit a few other chapters to add description. People reading wouldn't have any idea what a lot of these animals look like.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
SPACE_LEMON
Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
avatar

Posts : 1538
Join date : 2010-12-23
Age : 22
Location : My own little pocket universe :3

Character Sheet
Character Status: N/a
Full Name:
Starting Universe:

PostSubject: Re: Chapter 23   Fri Jul 08, 2011 8:00 am

I was thinking to maybe add footnots with links to Wiki pages and/or pages in the suplementary works. I'm still gonna describe them, though.


Can you guys think of any scenes for me to put in? 'Cause that's actually what I made this thread for.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://alterverse.4umer.net
Xeno
Taco Gazelle
avatar

Posts : 1182
Join date : 2010-12-24
Age : 20
Location : Canada

Character Sheet
Character Status: N/a
Full Name:
Starting Universe:

PostSubject: Re: Chapter 23   Fri Jul 08, 2011 8:16 am

They could be attacked. By ninjas.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
SPACE_LEMON
Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
avatar

Posts : 1538
Join date : 2010-12-23
Age : 22
Location : My own little pocket universe :3

Character Sheet
Character Status: N/a
Full Name:
Starting Universe:

PostSubject: Re: Chapter 23   Fri Jul 08, 2011 8:28 am

Seriously.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://alterverse.4umer.net
Xeno
Taco Gazelle
avatar

Posts : 1182
Join date : 2010-12-24
Age : 20
Location : Canada

Character Sheet
Character Status: N/a
Full Name:
Starting Universe:

PostSubject: Re: Chapter 23   Fri Jul 08, 2011 11:03 am

By ninja's I mean hunters. Or animals. Or homeless people. Or raiders.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
SPACE_LEMON
Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
avatar

Posts : 1538
Join date : 2010-12-23
Age : 22
Location : My own little pocket universe :3

Character Sheet
Character Status: N/a
Full Name:
Starting Universe:

PostSubject: Re: Chapter 23   Fri Jul 08, 2011 11:14 am

Lmao.


Raiders could theoretically be on the road and probably are, so that's not a bad idea. However, I would like to showcase the wildlife somewhat.

Got any ideas for things the two could merely be viewing from a distance that would, for example, explain the creatures' bahaviours?
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://alterverse.4umer.net
Balufire
Dimensional Resident
Dimensional Resident


Posts : 205
Join date : 2010-12-25
Age : 22
Location : Feel free to contact me via Email, PM, or IM, I am always on my computer.

Character Sheet
Character Status: N/a
Full Name:
Starting Universe:

PostSubject: Re: Chapter 23   Fri Jul 08, 2011 11:24 am

Sudden thunderstorm?
Small Earthquake?
Rogue elephant like animal invading territory?

Anything from a brush fire to a strange creature somehow poisoning the water supply. Anything could theoretically cause a creature to behave differently than normal.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
SPACE_LEMON
Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
avatar

Posts : 1538
Join date : 2010-12-23
Age : 22
Location : My own little pocket universe :3

Character Sheet
Character Status: N/a
Full Name:
Starting Universe:

PostSubject: Re: Chapter 23   Fri Jul 08, 2011 12:30 pm

With "explain the creatures' bahaviours", I meant have scenes in the gap in the chapter that would explain more about the creatures, such as how they behave. Ambient information, in other words, to fill the gap.

Eg. "A pack of [insert predator animal here] came from all sides, taking down the [insert prey animal here]".



Also, would you guys mind clicking here? Note the non-novel chapter topics with 0 replies.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://alterverse.4umer.net
Xeno
Taco Gazelle
avatar

Posts : 1182
Join date : 2010-12-24
Age : 20
Location : Canada

Character Sheet
Character Status: N/a
Full Name:
Starting Universe:

PostSubject: Re: Chapter 23   Thu Jul 21, 2011 3:28 am

It has replies now. Very Happy
Back to top Go down
View user profile
SPACE_LEMON
Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
avatar

Posts : 1538
Join date : 2010-12-23
Age : 22
Location : My own little pocket universe :3

Character Sheet
Character Status: N/a
Full Name:
Starting Universe:

PostSubject: Re: Chapter 23   Thu Jul 21, 2011 5:00 am

Not all of them. One non-novel thread has 0 replies. Aside from that one, try noting those will less than 10 replies, then. Very Happy
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://alterverse.4umer.net
Galactic conquerer
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor


Posts : 85
Join date : 2011-02-06
Location : New Jersey

Character Sheet
Character Status: N/a
Full Name:
Starting Universe:

PostSubject: Re: Chapter 23   Thu Jul 21, 2011 6:28 am

Maybe that giant mosquito thing kills one one of the other widlife, or maybe you can see it sucking the juices of it on the road?
Or somthing like that......
Back to top Go down
View user profile
SPACE_LEMON
Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
avatar

Posts : 1538
Join date : 2010-12-23
Age : 22
Location : My own little pocket universe :3

Character Sheet
Character Status: N/a
Full Name:
Starting Universe:

PostSubject: Re: Chapter 23   Thu Jul 21, 2011 8:11 am

The giant mosquitos are more like pests, really. They're not life threatening or all that dangerous, really.

I think I've sort of figured something out, but it looks quite boring:


Midday came and went. After eating what they had packed, they lay down under a tree by the river to escape the baking sunlight. The River Vish was a fairly wide river that appeared quite deep and populated by a variety of aquatic and semi-aquatic creatures. The road ran along the river’s west bank, largely shaded by river-side trees and foliage, reminiscent of the jungle. The strong, musky scent of Sprig plants hung in the air, which would surely keep the keen olfactory senses of any predator far away.

“I could really do with another swim,” Tiard said, lying with his back against the soft rubbery bark of a tree.

“Go ahead, if you don’t mind becoming nutrition for river life,” Priantos said, lying flat on his back, staring up at the umbrella-like top of the tree. “If you don’t find yourself eaten alive, I can assure you the swift currents will pull you away to a certain death.”

The humming of a Gitt’ll’s tiny jet came into existence. The small black and red creature, not unlike a Priska with a long, feeler-like proboscis instead of a beak, came hovering above Tiard and reached out towards him with the appendage. “Priantos!”

“Swot it,” he said in a disinterested sigh.

In an almost hesitant motion of his left hand, Tiard did just that. The creature quickly buzzed off.

“I think we’d better start going again.”

“You should travel more,” Priantos said. “At least we’re nearly there.”
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://alterverse.4umer.net
Xeno
Taco Gazelle
avatar

Posts : 1182
Join date : 2010-12-24
Age : 20
Location : Canada

Character Sheet
Character Status: N/a
Full Name:
Starting Universe:

PostSubject: Re: Chapter 23   Thu Jul 21, 2011 9:56 am

Not too boring. Not very exciting, but not boring.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
SPACE_LEMON
Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
avatar

Posts : 1538
Join date : 2010-12-23
Age : 22
Location : My own little pocket universe :3

Character Sheet
Character Status: N/a
Full Name:
Starting Universe:

PostSubject: Re: Chapter 23   Fri Jul 22, 2011 11:08 am

Ideas for more exitement?
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://alterverse.4umer.net
Xeno
Taco Gazelle
avatar

Posts : 1182
Join date : 2010-12-24
Age : 20
Location : Canada

Character Sheet
Character Status: N/a
Full Name:
Starting Universe:

PostSubject: Re: Chapter 23   Fri Jul 22, 2011 4:02 pm

Something attacks them.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
SPACE_LEMON
Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
avatar

Posts : 1538
Join date : 2010-12-23
Age : 22
Location : My own little pocket universe :3

Character Sheet
Character Status: N/a
Full Name:
Starting Universe:

PostSubject: Re: Chapter 23   Fri Jul 22, 2011 11:12 pm

I was thinking maybe to add bandit/raider things, but that wouldn't really fit the Valiero atmosphere.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://alterverse.4umer.net
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Chapter 23   

Back to top Go down
 
Chapter 23
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 2Go to page : 1, 2  Next
 Similar topics
-
» Alien Girl,Shiki - chapter 5
» Shingeki no Kyojin Chapter 55
» No new Fairy Tail chapter this week.
» The Beginning of the N: Chapter 1
» The Arrival Chapter 6: Genesis

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
The ALTERVERSE Forums :: [Archive]-
Jump to: