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 I'm at a loss here - Struggling through Chapter 3

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SPACE_LEMON
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PostSubject: I'm at a loss here - Struggling through Chapter 3   Sat Nov 10, 2012 9:57 am

As you know, it's been weeks since last I posted a chapter. I regret to be going veeeeeery slowly with Chapter 3, partly because I'm currently in my end-year exams, and partly because I'm yet again experiencing some form of writer's block. So, I though it would help me get my creative juices flowing again to discuss it with you guys.

Here's what I've got for Chapter 3 so far:
Spoiler:
 


After that, Rose is going to address the crowd of miner convicts and attempt to restore the peace. Basically, the miners (especially the Greyskins) are threatening to strike or even rebel because the mine is selling to the humans (Darwin, specifically. The goods being sold are minerals and precious metals that are being extracted at Vishka, though I haven't really decided exactly what humans are buying from the mine, though. It's also possible that the mine is using human technologies (which I neglected to mention Kenji seeing as they reached the mine)- humans won't be mining themselves, as that would rob the Valiero'ji of a portion of their income, which would be bad for diplomatic relations). So basically I now have to write whatever Rose tells them, which would be something along the lines of "you have nothing to fear from us" and "our two peoples helping each other will be beneficial for both" and so forth. It also has to be in simple enough words for Hadrôph to translate efficiently.

This chapter is meant to establish the following:
-David's team is being spied on by a native woman
-Some of the Zen'ji, specifically the Greyskins, in this case, really don't like humans
-The Svia'ji like humans
-Kenji has above average intellect (I attempted to demonstrate this when he suggested something to Gordon regarding software, something completely out of his own field; this is because he has artificially augmented intellect)
-Gorden and Rose are both bisexual (not particularly important for the story; I intend to have a bit of fun with this later)
-(More subtly) Kenji is gay (I could maybe leave this for later, though)
-(Even more subtly) David is developing extrasensory perception and other abilities (like when he "felt" Viera)

The following still has to happen in this chapter:
-Rose still has to address the Vishka miners, with some temporary success (perhaps coming to some sort of mutual compromise?)
-Rose will take Kenji to Typarri village (Viera's "home town", so to speak)
-David and the rest of the team will repeat their experiment at the bat cave (by the way, I also still have to figure out exactly what they were doing) in the jungle with a family of Mel'taur. Donathan will accompany the group this time, as the Exobiology department is expecting something groundbreaking about non-vocal communication in Novusvitan life to be discovered with that experiment (what?). Then that whole thing about Donathan going missing will happen, but pretty differently: David will sense Viera again and find and confront her, the Diceratops (which I want to rename, also) will be noticed zipping through the undergrowth before attacking the party, Donathan will somehow be separated from the group, Viera will disappear from David's sight in the commotion, and only after the guard manages to drive the creatures away will they notice Donathan is gone
-I was thinking to end the chapter with Viera returning to her village just before Kenji and Rose leave. Sort of a close call moment. I'm still deciding whether or not to make it clear that she has Donathan here already, though.


The bolded bits indicate what I would like you guys' input with. Any would be much appreciated. ^^
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PostSubject: Re: I'm at a loss here - Struggling through Chapter 3   Tue Nov 13, 2012 3:26 pm

I hate losing power. It makes things not fun.

Hmm. I honestly have no idea where I could make input. Could you explain the whole miner strike deal more clearly? I don't really get it.

Hmm. Oh, well, for the Kenji being uber smart bit, you should probably make it more obvious that that isn't something he should know. Like Gordon commenting on how that is something entirely out of his field, or something.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm at a loss here - Struggling through Chapter 3   Wed Nov 14, 2012 2:22 am

Agreed.


Ima quote this from Chapter 1:
As Kenji and Stephanie enter the embassy, Stephanie says this:
Quote :
“Rose Watson, the current head ambassador, is attempting to solve a dilemma in the Valieren-owned Vishka Mine north of the colony at the moment.”
Later, Rose arrives:
Quote :
Moments later, the office doors opened and in walked a young-looking woman of about Kenji's age, or at least augmented to appear so. She had a slim body – and wore clothes to show it – and had straight black hair with blue highlights and matching eye colour. “Wow,” said, dropping a large black suitcase on the floor. “That was tiring.”
“Good morning!” Gorgon exclaimed with excessive enthusiasm.
“Welcome back,” Stephanie said. “We have a present for you.”
“Right, the intern,” Rose said.
Kenji had gotten up and approached her, smiling. “Kenji Hahn. Glad to make your acquaintance.”
Rose chuckled, grabbing and shaking his hand. “Don't be so sure, hun. You don't know me.”
Kenji wasn't sure to take that as a threat or a joke, so chose just to keep smiling and returned to his desk.
“Name's Watson, by the way. Rose Watson.” She picked the bag back up and dropped it on an open space on the fourth desk.
“So, how was Vishka?” Stephanie asked, still working on her desktop.
Rose plopped down onto her hover-chair. “I hate mines. I hate mine-workers. I hate racist mine-worker convicts who can't even speak their own language properly.”
“That good, huh?”
“Things are getting worse up there,” Rose said with some dismay. “The latest few convicts brought to the mine are generally all Jia'khell from the Greyskin provinces. They caused quite a stir in a recent northern riot.”
“And the contract?”
“Yeah, we can still purchase minerals from the mine. That wasn't difficult to maintain.”
“But?”
Rose sighed. “The real problem is actually that most of the convict miners detest us. Heck, the way things look now, our next supply truck will be wrecked and plundered by a hoard of angry dimwitted mine-workers. Hey, maybe they'll even drop their racial segregation to massacre their imagined common enemy!” The chuckled sarcastically. “Anyway, I'll have to pay them another visit tomorrow, or the day after, at least.”
So the convict miners are either lower class Goldskins or Greyskins, both of which have a serious xenophobia of humans ("alien-demon-people here to take our stuff"). They very loudly voice their disapproval of the mine selling to the human colony because, in their eyes, humans are therefor taking their resources. Plus humans just make them very uncomfortable.


Yeah, I probably should have Gordon say that.


I also sort of started working on what Rose tells the mine workers:
Quote :
“Hadrôph, will you translate what I say?” Rose asked.
Hadrôph nodded. Nodding was one of the few Zen'ji gestured almost identical to the human action, alone with shaking one's head and shrugging.
“This is where things get slightly tough,” Rose told Kenji slightly, then turned to the crowd. “Miners of Vishka,” Rose said, with Hadrôph echoing her loudly in the native tongue. Her addressal was met with outspoken disapproval. “I know you do not see my people as friends, but you have nothing to fear from us.” Her words were drowned in cries of outrage. “Please, listen. We buy metals from this mine because we need it to survive here. But we pay your people greatly to do so. We give you technology to help you and teach you knowledge that would have taken many, many years for you to discover on your own.”
A man in the crowd shouted out above the rest before Hadrôph could finish the sentance. Kenji understood what he said as, “If you cannot survive here on your own, why don't you just leave?”
“Because the promise of your world is too much for us to ignore,” Rose said. “We aren't just the first other-worldly beings you have encountered, you are also the first beings not from our world we've ever encountered.”
Kenji could have sworn someone in the crowd shouted, “No, you are not the first!”, but ignored it. He guessed the man was religious and referring to the mythical Jaylen.
“You are just as alien to us as we are alien to you,” Rose continued. “Just as we have much to teach you, I am certain we have just as much to learn from you and your world. We will keep seperate from those of you who do not like us. We won't expand beyond our cities. We don't want you to love us or worship us, we just want you to accept us. We are very different from one another, but we are still equals – beings living together in the same universe.”
“Yet you stand above us!” a man shouted as soon as Hadrôph finished translating. The man's words were met with cries of agreement.
Rose sighed. “Were we stand means nothing. Are you any less a person than your superiors? No, just...” She abruptly stopped speaking, realizing how that would sound. “Don't translate that!” she quickly told Hadrôph, who nodded.
At that point I'd like Kenji to step in and say something that would make the mineworkers understand better. Like, he should make some really good point about something or make some sort of awesome proposal or whatever. This working would immediately give Rose the impression that Kenji would make a great ambassador (which she'd of course tell Stephanie and whatnot, which would be in his favour).
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PostSubject: Re: I'm at a loss here - Struggling through Chapter 3   Sun Nov 18, 2012 9:27 am

Have them strike. Then the authorities can use force to break it - makes things a bit more 'dramatic', plus introduces the semi-sinister and moral dilemmas I think you vaguely heading towards. Could also prove a useful sticking point for racial politics etc.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm at a loss here - Struggling through Chapter 3   Sun Nov 18, 2012 10:34 am

Oh, I'm definitely gonna have full-scale riots later on, but not just yet. For now, I merely want Kenji to diffuse the tension by speaking up and saying something awesome. But first, just after Rose is like "Don't translate that!", a Goldskin from the crowd will be like (in English) "I understand your language, human. And now I know how you truly feel about us, but you are not our superiors." (The man will be from a lesser noble family who got sentenced to a few months of manual labour due to committing fraud. Members of the Valieren noble houses are generally taught English to be able to communicate with humans.) At that point, Kenji steps in to explain what Rose meant and stuff.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm at a loss here - Struggling through Chapter 3   Sun Nov 18, 2012 3:19 pm

Riots will be fun, I think. Gotta love riots.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm at a loss here - Struggling through Chapter 3   Mon Nov 19, 2012 3:19 am

I still need to figure out what I'm supposed to have Kenji say. :/
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PostSubject: Re: I'm at a loss here - Struggling through Chapter 3   Mon Nov 19, 2012 10:05 am

I could have a go at drawing something basic up tomorrow, if you want.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm at a loss here - Struggling through Chapter 3   Mon Nov 19, 2012 11:04 am

I certainly wouldn't mind! MrGreen At the very least it should give me some inspiration. Smile
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PostSubject: Re: I'm at a loss here - Struggling through Chapter 3   Wed Nov 21, 2012 8:12 pm

Drawings sound cool. I can't draw at all. Other than stickmen.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm at a loss here - Struggling through Chapter 3   Thu Nov 22, 2012 3:39 am

I don't think he meant actual drawings. o/O
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PostSubject: Re: I'm at a loss here - Struggling through Chapter 3   Sun Nov 25, 2012 9:49 am

I'm so sorry I haven't done anything yet. Things came up and I just didn't have the time. I'll my best next week, if you want.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm at a loss here - Struggling through Chapter 3   Sun Nov 25, 2012 11:22 am

It's perfectly okay and yes, I'd like that. I won't really have time for anything next week (plus this weekend just past, really) as I'm writing an exam every day this week (thankfully it's the last week of exams).
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PostSubject: Re: I'm at a loss here - Struggling through Chapter 3   Mon Nov 26, 2012 5:45 pm

Oh. Darn. I wanted drawings. I'm not that bright.

Sorry I haven't been around. Life is silly.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm at a loss here - Struggling through Chapter 3   Tue Nov 27, 2012 3:32 am

It's okay.

Another way to put it, is life is life-consuming. Oh no!!
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PostSubject: Re: I'm at a loss here - Struggling through Chapter 3   Tue Nov 27, 2012 7:58 pm

It is.

Heh, I've been working on taking History notes and doing a History assignment for the past 6 hours. I'm at a part about South Africa now, which is neat because we usually just talk about boring old Canada with our boring old furs and fish, and like, four wars, maybe.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm at a loss here - Struggling through Chapter 3   Wed Nov 28, 2012 11:46 am

Heh. South African history is boring. (At least by the time you've been doing it for over a decade xD)


I still have very little idea what Kenji's supposed to tell the convict mine workers.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm at a loss here - Struggling through Chapter 3   Thu Nov 29, 2012 4:25 am

I'd have no idea. I'm not the best with speeches that are supposed to inspire confidence in people. Or aliens. Maybe you could look up some good speeches people have given and get inspiration from them?
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PostSubject: Re: I'm at a loss here - Struggling through Chapter 3   Thu Nov 29, 2012 5:34 am

Eh. I'll just write something - put myself in Kenji's shoes and make it up as I go along - once I've finished the new prologue and adding the new POV's to chapters 1 and 2.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm at a loss here - Struggling through Chapter 3   Thu Dec 13, 2012 12:40 pm

Okey dokey.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm at a loss here - Struggling through Chapter 3   Fri Dec 14, 2012 1:12 am

First I should finish Tyber and Brethin's POV's in Chapter 2, though. :/ At least Chapter One is now completely done (I'll upload it with the finished Chapter 2 (and maybe even Chapter 3) at some point next week).
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