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 Help Me Refine Chapters 27 through 30

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SPACE_LEMON
Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
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PostSubject: Help Me Refine Chapters 27 through 30   Sun Aug 07, 2011 1:51 pm

Here are their first drafts:

(NOTE that these chapters are not considered to be complete!)

Quote :
Chapter 27
Heavy Rain

*Must expand this chapter. A lot. It's basically about David's struggle with himself.*


I chose the coward’s path and immediately regretted it deeply. Regardless of my respect for her instructions, I couldn’t just leave her. My mind just wouldn’t let me.
So, with the suns bringing the first morning light, I turned around and headed back in the direction of the road.
I hadn’t gone too far. I may have gotten at most two kilometres from where I’d waited, before collapsing under grief and exhaustion.
When I reached the village I found it to be very similar, though considerably smaller than Viera’s village. My body was stricken with fatigue and my spirit was as low as my health. It was raining, but I didn’t care. I just pressed on. The acidic rain seeped into the fabric wrapped around the stump and it burnt. It burnt like the fire that was pressing me onward.
“Where is she?” I asked, upon entering the settlement. The language barrier hadn’t even occurred to me.
“You’re here,” I heard one say, emerging before me. He was an old male, perhaps the village chieftain. “Follow me, or loose her.”
I followed without hesitation. I didn’t even consider him an enemy. He led me out of the village, but not along the road. We were soon climbing a steep slope. He eventually stopped, but gestured at me to continue on. The rain was coming down hard harder than ever before, like a drum roll to whatever was to come. I walked on and stopped.
Through the foliage I could see a small clearing. Viera was on her knees in the middle of the space. Her hands we bound and her head was slumped. A Xen’vi man was standing behind her, his right hand digging into her shoulder, drawing a small trickle of green blood which dispersed into the rainwater that ran down her skin. The man wore a dark brown cloak. A deep scar ran across the right side of his face and he was missing his left hand.




Chapter 28
The Prophecy

*Any way we can make this more climatic?*


Viera ignored the pain in her shoulder, the man’s claws tearing into her flesh. She stared at the muddy soil before her. Rain was beating down hard on her, but she didn’t care. Her thoughts were with David. She hoped deeply that he’d made it away as far as possible. She prayed that he could Darwin on his own. His people would protect him. Maybe he’d even return to his home world – get as far away from here as possible. The Hunters would not stop hunting him down until he was dead. She was sure of that.
The man dug his fingers deeper into her shoulder, but she concentrated hard not to cry out in agony.
“Scream so he can here you!” the Hunter said sadistically.
“He won’t come,” she muttered. That statement was based on hope alone. She prayed that it was true.
“Oh, he will!” the man shouted with annoyance. “He’ll come because he can’t bare the thought of loosing you.”
She said nothing in response, just continued staring at the ground.
“Finally, you come,” the man said. He spoke in the human tongue.
Viera looked up immediately and her heart sank. The ill form of a male Jawhead stood a few meters ahead of them, emerging from the jungle. “David, why?” she said with saddened disappointment.

›----●----‹

The man chuckled sadistically. Viera’s broken down, disappointed appearance was unbearable. Finally I spoke up.
“Let her go!” I shouted. “It’s me you want, not her!”
Seeming to have ignored me, he continued laughing, looking at the stump at my left shoulder. I realised his pleasure in seeing that I had lost an arm, where he had lost a hand.
“Listen to me!” I shouted. “Here I am. You’ve got me. Let her go!”
His laughter faded and his expression became threatening. “You’re in no position to make commands, Jawhead.”
I realised, then, that there were many more Hunters nearby. I sensed that they were watching, as if the audience of some sick show. I felt suddenly exposed and realised just how vulnerable I was. My body was sick and tired, I had only one arm and I could see no rational means of defending myself. My motive of coming was to save Viera. But now I realised that I had undertaken a suicide mission in vain. Not only was I turning myself over, but I suddenly realised that they weren’t going to let her go anyway. I suddenly felt the real reason for Viera’s disappointment. I was certain of it: they were going to kill us both. I had to know why. I needed answers.
“Who are you?”
“My name is Tsu'gast Bras Zi'ghato and we are Hunters. We are the assassins and spies of the glorious Iga’vi nation. We have woven ourselves into the fabric of this world, the outside senses and hands of Iga. This world is ours. No one, not even you aliens, will be allowed to appose us.”
The Iga’vi. They were the only nation that openly apposed Human presence on Novusvita. Theirs was a notorious and generally hated nation, but I could see no reason why they would want me dead. “Why me?” I asked.
“In defence of the Shadow, you must die,”
“I don’t understand.”
“There is a prophecy,” Tsu’gast said. “Many know of it. It has been woven into the fabric of the world’s history. A very long time ago, a great race, the Jaylen, existed in the world. They had no rule and no ultimate goal. One wanted to change that: the Shadow. But the Jaylen detested change and cast the Shadow out. The Shadow’s followers fought the rest of the Jaylen for their freedom, but in the end the Shadow’s forces weren’t enough and they were defeated and the Shadow destroyed. But, there was a prophecy made at the end of the war: the Shadow will rise again, but may be defeated once more ‘in unity’. That’s where the knowledge of most ends. But we know more. Three individuals will lead the fight again the Shadow’s just rule. Our magi have identified you, David Wells, as one of the three. This is why you must die.”
I was stunned. Was all of this because of their faith? Their religion? I was almost disappointed. “So I must die because of your faith. Well, here I am. Kill me. But please, let her go. There is no reason for you to kill her as well.”
“Is that so?” he said, speaking loudly to be heard over the rain. “Very few know of our existence, Jawhead, and that is what allows us to function. The woman is one of the few who do. Therefore, she must die with you.” He then pulled a familiar bone blade from cloak. “I’m glad to have this back. Let’s finish this.”
Hands then grabbed me from behind and forced me to the ground. I found, then, an advantage of only having one arm. The Hunter who’d grabbed me had instinctively tried to bring my arms to my back, but this left my left side free, so I rammed my left shoulder into the man’s abdomen. Ignoring the pain that erupted through the stump, I continued my stunt, tearing my right arm from the man’s grip and landing my elbow in his face, at which he gave a sharp grunt and staggered backwards. Another stepped forwards and I slammed the side of my fist into the side of his head and felt something crack, causing the man to shriek out in pain, with green fluid spraying out of his left-hand voice holes.
“David, no!” I heard Viera shout to me, but my body, having found a new strength could not be stopped by words alone.
Tsu'gast then came it me himself, bearing his bone blade. He slashed at my chest with the blade, but the Xephlon fibres of my suit held. It was raining heavier than ever now. The battering of the water had cancelled out almost all other sound and all I could see of Tsu'gast before me was his form breaking through the haze of droplets. Around us, the lights of the jungle at night was met with other bright lights of unknown origin. Around us, the other Hunters were becoming restless, but my focus was on the struggle at hand and nothing more.
Tsu'gast attempted to strike a blow to my face, but I managed to block him with my right arm. He then went for my stomach and instinctively tried blocking with my left arm. Realising my grave mistake too late, the bone blade penetrated the fabric of my hexsuit and tore into my abdomen. He pulled the blade out of my body and stepped back.
I gasped, clutching my wound and slumping to my knees. He stared at me for a few seconds, before turning to Viera. “NO!!” I shouted with what I thought would be my last breath.
Then, as Tsu’gast lifted the blade to strike Viera down, a bright blue flash struck him in the back and he collapsed to the forest floor. I recognised the flash immediately. I used the kind of weapon that cast it before. Colony guards suddenly appeared into the clearing, scattering the remaining Hunters. Viera was on her knees before me. We looked into each other’s eyes and both our expressions said one thing: it was over.
A guard then came and unbound her hands. Then a man knelt down beside me.
“David!” I recognised the voice of Kenji immediately.
It was over.





Chapter 29
Jin

*Again, any way to add more climax-ness?*


The ruins of Jin were spectacular. It was about the size of Valdin, if not larger. It was also built in a similar trilateral, circular layout on the shore of the Sea of Jin. Where it crossed the shoreline, it extended over the water on large stone piers that completed the pattern of the ruins’ layout. Most of the buildings were huge and intricate, with no apparent doors or windows. All that appeared to be doorways were the large, intricate stone frames on the ground floors of most buildings, but where one would expect a door in the frame was the solid stone continuation of the building. The ancient city was scattered with perfect domes and trilateral pyramids and obelisks. Jin’s wide stone streets ran in concentric rings or went straight towards the centre of the complex, just as the streets of Valdin. At the centre of it all was a huge spire of an intricate, obelisk-like design and a huge triangular pyramidal base. It shot into the sky for about a hundred metres or more and dominated the whole complex. Everything seemed to have been constructed from a single, enormous silvery-metallic stone which twinkled in the light of the setting suns. Though overgrown with grass and other plant life at many places and worn by time and, as the scars of some buildings showed, war, the ruins were still breathtaking in their majesty.
The civilisation that constructed the ancient city must’ve been the greatest the world had ever seen. Priantos briefly pondered how such an advanced people could have fallen as he was led through what appeared to be a main street with his hands bound and a Hunter on either side of him. As they came closer to the centre of the ruins, the pulses grew in strength at every ten minute interval, eventually giving Priantos a small headache. The Hunters around him seemed to be feeling it as well, their expressions showing a growing discomfort.
There were four Hunters around him in total, including Tiard, whose treachery had yet to fully sink in for Priantos. However, as it sunk, he found himself hating his old friend more and more. This hate was not because Tiard had been revealed to be a Hunter and a spy, for the most part, but because he had deceived and betrayed him. Priantos had been silent since leaving the village. So had his captors, for the most part. He didn’t understand what was going on, but his instincts told him that they were going to show him exactly what they were up to before killing him. A question still stuck by him. Why hadn’t Tiard gotten rid of him earlier? Why accompany him on his journey so far? His instincts told him it would be revealed soon.
As they approached the centre of the complex, a camp of simply tents came into view at the base of the spire, along with ten or so more men. Priantos could see four of the men seemingly working away at a large stone ‘door’ at the base of the structure with metal tools, apparently trying in unsuccessfully to open it. As they came nearer, a few of the other men came over to them.
“Any luck with the door?” one of the Hunters escorting Priantos asked.
“None at all,” one of the men responded. “There seems to be no physical means of opening it. We could’t pry it open – or even get our tools into the frame – and there seems to be no way to break through the stone. We even tried explosives.”
“Well,” the man said, gesturing to Priantos, “I think we have a solution.”
The other man looked hopefull. “Is he the one?”
“Yes. As identified by the magi.”
“Good. Bring him to the door.”
They continued on to the apparent stone doorframe. The door was slanted at about sixty degrees, following the slope of the spire’s pyramidal base. It was large, about four by four metres, and its edges were blackened, likely by the mentioned explosives.
“Open it,” the man said.
It took Priantos a few moments to realise he was being addressed. When he did, he was confused. “What?”
“There are only three who can open the temples of the Jaylen,” the man explained without annoyance. “They have been chosen during this time by the Jaylen and you have been identified as one of them.” He gestured to the door. “So open it.”
“What if I refuse?”
The man unsheathed a white bone blade from his belt and held it before Priantos. “I’ll use this to change your mind.”
“You’ll kill me?”
“Not before putting you through as much pain and torment as we can. So open it.”
Priantos had hoped they would just kill him, but instead there awaited torture for him if he refused. However, even if he didn’t, how was he supposed to open a door the Hunters couldn’t even force open with the Iga’vi’s explosives? “How?”
The man seemed to be growing impatient. “Touch it. Speak to it. I don’t know. But you can and will open it!”
Priantos saw very little choice. Perhaps if he knew their plans he could prevent them from accomplishing their motives once the door had been opened, if it even can be opened. “Fine. I’ll do as you say, but first I want to know why you need to open it.”
Another pulse came into being. Priantos could clearly read the discomfort on the Hunters’ faces. He almost felt sorry for them having to endure these pulses for however long they’ve been here.
“Feel that?” the man said. “This temple has been emitting these pulses for many days now. The time of Shon’elikat has dawned and the three Jaylen temples of Jin, Kij and Baal are calling the three who are to stop the Shadow from creating his glorious kingdom. Tell me, what do you know of the Jay’jil?”
Priantos tried to remember what he’d read in the Valdin Library. “The Jay’jil are the key to whether the Shadow rises or falls. There are nine, scattered over the globe for the few chosen individuals who would play the biggest role in the Shadow’s defeat. It is theorised that there is one in each Jaylen city, including Jin.”
“Precisely. The Jay’jil were left behind by the cowardice Jaylen to help and guide the three prophesized chosen. So, we must find the Jay’jil before the chosen ones, discover how they would aid them and then destroy them. It must be done in defence of the Shadow.”
Priantos almost chuckled. “You want to find and destroy nine mythical objects scattered across the planet in defence of your deity? You are fools.”
The man grew angry, then. “Are we, now? You are the fool, Valiero! You followed what you thought were clues to us. You followed them, even to here! But we meant it that way. It was planned, all of it! All of it to lead you here, now! You followed our bait and fell into our trap like helpless prey! You didn’t even suspect that your partner – who you thought was your closest friend – was one of us all along, luring you to us.” Tiard looked away at this. Was it out of some sort of shame? “No, you are the fool, Priantos. Now open the door! Maybe the Shadow will have mercy on you, knowing you aided us willingly!”
Priantos had had enough. “Your deity is a myth! How can’t you see that? The Shadow isn’t real! You are just wasting your lives for the foolish beliefs of your nation!”
“Fool!” the Hunter then struck the back of his hand across Priantos’ face in anger, but he didn’t flinch. He was suddenly filled with hope in the form of a loose knot. “How dare you insult the Shadow! You think you know anything? Your ignorance is as thick as your skull!” He then pulled Priantos close to him violently and held his blade to his throat. “Open the door or pay with your blood!”
Priantos’ expression was suddenly filled with confidence. “Why don’t you pay with yours instead, Hunter?” He then tore his hands loose from the rope bonds and, in one swift movement, grabbed the dagger from the man’s hand and slit his throat. The other lunged at him, but Priantos had caught them off guard. He quickly ended their lives. The remaining Hunters followed quickly and soon the stone ground was awash with green.
Priantos dropped the dagger, suddenly gravely aware that he may have just killed Tiard. But was that a bad thing? Somehow Priantos couldn’t bare the thought of it, regardless of who Tiard really was.
He quickly checked all the bodies, but couldn’t find Tiard’s among the dead. Had he escaped somehow? Priantos was almost disappointed, but at the same time very relieved. As it seemed, the traitor was still alive.
The suns were past the horizon by now and the skies were dark. There was a lot to tell Jer’ij when he returned to Valdin.
Priantos decided to check the contents of the tents, but as he went to the entrance of one, he was suddenly started by the sound of moving stone. He turned and saw the metre-thick stone door of the temple slide open, into the ground. An eerie pale-blue light shone out. Priantos hesitated, shocked, but was then overtaken with curiosity.





Chapter 30
Day Before Departure

*Could this be made any more end-of-book-ly?*


I opened my eyes. The first thing I realised was that I wasn’t wearing my hexsuit. Something was wrong. Then I noticed the soft bed with the clean white sheets and I began relaxing a bit. It took me a while to realise I was in the infirmary. Even longer to notice that I had my arm back.
It felt odd. It was almost difficult to move the limb. My nerves had to re-adjust, I supposed. Rolling up the clean white sleeve up to my shoulder, I examined my new left arm. It was very light, more untanned than the rest of my body. There was a faint pink ring around my arm where the old limb had been severed and, now, where the new limb had been attached.
“Hello, Dave.”
Started, I turned my head to find Kenji sitting in a white chair near the levitating hospital bed. The rest of the small, white room was empty. The door was opening, revealing the passage on the other side. The sounds coming from there told me, once and for all, that I was back in civilisation.
“Sorry for the fright,” Kenji said, smiling.
“Where’s Viera?” I almost spoke before the thought had fully processed in my mind.
“She’s in the labs. We made sure to make it more comfortable for her this time. The room we gave her doesn’t open up onto the dissection section, for one.”
“How is she?” I asked, now moving myself into an upright position using my right arm, somewhat hesitant to use the left.
“She’s fine. She’s been asking about you. We can tell her the same now.” He began typing something on the PDA on his wrist.
“I lost my PDA when we amputated my arm.”
“Yeah, Viera told us all about that. You’re story’s quite incredible. I’m really glad you’re okay. In any case, you won’t be getting another, seeing as your shift ends tomorrow.”
“Speaking of which,” I said, a thought suddenly occurring to me, “didn’t your own shift end just after we, uh, got lost?”
“He forced us to let him stay until you were found,” another familiar voice said and Marcus stepped into the room. “He’s also the one who convinced us to have remote communicators supplied to all Xen’vi villages in the region surrounding Darwin and the site of your last experiment.”
“Is that so?” I asked, smiling to Kenji.
“Indeed it is,” Marcus continued. “The village you got to contacted us last night and we dispatched a Hornet with six guards to the area. Kenji insisted on being the pilot.”
“Thanks a lot for what you’ve done, Ken,” I said, smiling further.
He waved his hand modestly. “Most of the ideas were Kate’s.”
“Also,” Marcus said, “we found that Kenji has some way with the natives. His performance in getting them to help in the search effort for you has compelled us to give him a new post. He is now part of Xen’vi relations, replacing Rose.”
“It’s a huge adaptation,” Kenji said. “I’ll be using my shift break to study the Xen’vi culture and history.”
“By the way,” Marcus said, changing topics. “I hate to say I told you so.”
I shrugged, not really knowing what to say in response.
“But,” he continued before I could reply, “your actions have given us a much better view on these ‘Hunters’. We’ve already questioned the Xen’vi woman –”
“Viera,” I corrected.
“Sorry,” he said, before continuing. “Anyway, we’ve already questioned her and we’d like to question you later today, if you don’t mind.”
“Sure,” I said. “By the way, what time is it?”
“Thirteen twenty one, Novusvitan time,” Kenji said, checking his PDA. “That translates to roughly two and a half hours past midday.”
Marcus, meanwhile, had stepped back into the corridor, briefly, before returning. “You have visitors, David. I’ll be on my way, now.”
As Marcus disappeared down the passage, the face of Kate appeared in the doorway. “David!” she said excitedly, sprinting over to my side and embracing me. I returned the hug with my right arm.
“Good to see you, Kate,” I said, smiling. “Miss me?”
“Are you kidding?” she said, releasing me. “Of course!”
I then saw Donathan and Stephanie standing in the doorway. “Good afternoon, Doctor Wells,” Donathan said, smiling. Somehow he looked less old now.
“Good afternoon, Professor Rogers,” I said, grinning.

Later that afternoon I was discharged with instructions on keeping my new arm healthy. The limb was artificially constructed by bioprinting copies of my tissue onto an adjustable, robotic framework, so the first thing was to exercise it a lot to allow the tissue to fully develop. I also had to refrain from carrying heavy weights with it or performing fast movements with it. I was also told to use the arm for as many small tasks as possible, to let the nerves get used to using it. The rest of my body was still weak, but I was fit enough to look after myself without difficulty, so I was fit to be discharged from the infirmary.
After being questioned thoroughly by the colony authorities, and getting some strange looks from the questioners, I was let go and set off to the labs immediately. When I got there, the room Viera was supposed to be in was empty. I asked around and was told that she was being taken to the expedition dock via open-air vehicle to be taken back to her people.
I ran to the expedition dock, then, as fast as my legs could carry me. Getting there, I grabbed a spare hexsuit, dressed into the familiar garment, entered the airlock hastily and, after a few seconds, stepped into the expedition dock
I saw Viera enter the dome through a door to the outside. She was being escorted by two humans in hexsuits to a Hornet. I ran over to her, relieved that I wasn’t too late.
“David!” she said upon seeing me, running over to me.
Where we met, we embraced on contact. We just stood there, hugging, for an incalculable amount of time without saying a word. My eyes inexplicably teared up, whereas she was laughing softly. Eventually her escorts came to us and said it was time to go. The goodbyes were hard, but I saw her off until the aircraft was out of view completely.
Did I love her? Define love.

Salvation was a distant hope for me, but distant was exactly where I was.




Epilogue

*Again, how could more endlyness be achieved?*


The door opened up into a square-shaped tunnel, which led down to a large triangular room at the base of the spire. Looking up, Priantos could see the walls of the room extending upwards for seemingly the full length of the spire before meeting at a sharp point at the very top. In the middle of the room was the source of the pale blue light. On a half-metre high triangular pedestal in the centre of the large, empty room was a small, glowing object.
It was about the size of a man’s head and had the shape of a flat, triangular pyramid. Where the top of the tiny pyramid would be was a large glowing orb, sunken into the object. The object itself seemed to be made of the same metallic stone as everything else.
As Priantos came closer, the pulses became more and more pronounced. When he was inches away from touching it, the light and energy of the object was so intense that he couldn’t come any closer. Then came the last pulse he could remember and he fainted.

Priantos awoke.
He was standing in the temple grounds, back in Valdin. The sky was an eerie red, not night nor day. Two large, bright eyes, one red, the other blue, was in the sky above him. He couldn’t tell whether they were the suns or the moons.
Suddenly the scene changed and he was in a cave.
Some force compelled him to walk onward. He came to a halt on the edge of a cliff. He was deep underground and could feel the weight of the world bearing down on me. Before him, there was an equally ominous force.
Ahead of him was something large, resting in the vast space before him. Its power was familiar, but he couldn’t recall from where. He started walking towards the object, then felt himself falling. Falling off the cliff’s edge.
But he never reached the bottom, for he was suddenly back in the triangular room. The room in the Jaylen temple of Jin.
He lay on his stomach, as if he’d fallen there. Before he even got up, he could feel the force before him. He slowly got up. Before him stood a figure more majestic than any mortal being.
Its body was shaped much like a Xen’vi’s, but was nowhere exoskeletal. A large, thick, tail-like structure hung down from the back of its head and nearly touched the stone floor. There were no visible holes in its body. Nowhere for it to feed and nowhere for it to breathe. Perhaps it didn’t need to. Its two, large, silvery eyes were filled with wisdom and its smooth, white skin glowed an amazing pale blue. Its beauty and majesty showed superiority in almost every form. Before Priantos stood a Jaylen.
Then it spoke with no voice.
“Priantos Mirr’ian Escar,” it said in his mind, “We have chosen you to undertake a great task. The Shadow has risen once more. We have foreseen it. You and other chosen individuals must work in unity to defeat its evil. I am the first piece of the puzzle that will guide you. In Vvardenfell lies the next. Travel there, find it and continue the path to your destiny you started when you entered this world. You must do this, Priantos. Remember, only in unity will the Shadow be defeated. Trust us and trust yourself. Good luck.”


Priantos opened his eyes to the cold, stone floor of the room, now dark and without energy.
What a dream.




© 2011 Charl-André Fourie
Aka TemporalV01D / Valdin
So, uh, help?


Last edited by TemporalV01D on Mon Aug 08, 2011 11:24 am; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Help Me Refine Chapters 27 through 30   Mon Aug 08, 2011 8:47 am

Seriously! There periods of death aren't helping!
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PostSubject: Re: Help Me Refine Chapters 27 through 30   Mon Aug 08, 2011 8:59 am

Sorry. I've been pretty busy being a moderator on a minecraft server. We've had a giant horde of 40 odd user attacking the place the past 2 days,
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PostSubject: Re: Help Me Refine Chapters 27 through 30   Mon Aug 08, 2011 9:03 am

Wow. You know, I've never actually even bothered to look up what Minecraft even is. xD


But if you find time, please attempt to give suggestions on improving those chapters.


Also, as soon as the book's really done, we'll HAVE TO focus A LOT on the Wiki (I'll make a thread for that) and we'll also have to clean up the forum quite a bit.
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PostSubject: Re: Help Me Refine Chapters 27 through 30   Mon Aug 08, 2011 10:30 am

We already have an app... er... thread for that! Its called "Stuff that needs to go in the Wiki" or something relating to that.

... I am not sure what to tell you. Except look for some sort of inspiration on Chapter 27.

Btw, Prologue is the beginning. Epilogue is the End. Unless that was intentional...I find it confusing...
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PostSubject: Re: Help Me Refine Chapters 27 through 30   Mon Aug 08, 2011 11:24 am

What? I'm pretty sure I wrote Epilogue... *Gasp* You're right! D=


And yes. I need to know what I can put into Chapter 27.


As for the Wiki-thing, oh yeah.


AND what do you guys think of the novel's ending?
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PostSubject: Re: Help Me Refine Chapters 27 through 30   Mon Aug 08, 2011 1:39 pm

I will think of Ideas... Might take a while.

I like the ending, it seems fine to me, just needs to be... I don't know a bit more detailed. Most all of Chapter 30 is Chit-Chat. (what I mean is there is no pause to describe the persons emotions. And that there is no action... Like him trying to get up, or Kenji walking to a window and looking out, or anything.

Lolz... It is annoying having to talk to the computer to have it type... Dang Car door...
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PostSubject: Re: Help Me Refine Chapters 27 through 30   Tue Aug 09, 2011 12:50 am

Action and description. Got it. Smile


Then for Chapter 27. I have a few very rough ideas which I'll try to put to work. Basically, he'll first semi-enter the village and see people take Viera away, then he'll run far into the jungle, then he'll have a semi-breakdown period, then he'll head back, confront the old man again (but with more detail) and head to where Viera was being held.
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PostSubject: Re: Help Me Refine Chapters 27 through 30   

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Help Me Refine Chapters 27 through 30
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